Falling in love with the sweetest Teddy Boy to ever exist!

Teddy boy sleeping on my chest with the cutest smile on his face.

…I fell in love with the sweetest boy that ever was… ➡️

This is Teddy Jade Luckie, a Taurus born, 2 year old, 8lb chihuahua mix that’s absolutely robbed me of my own heart within 24 hours of knowing him. Hey, this might already be an enmeshed relationship, okay? Talk to my therapist about it, not me! Lol, but seriously, I’ve acquired a shadow and I’ve never been happier! He’s asleep in my lap currently as I’m writing this and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

The reason that I’m here started back in 2021, when I met a chihuahua mix, Potato, who absolutely became my whole world (probably because I was deeply in my codependency and also made that partner the same thing, let’s just say, that didn’t end well.) BUT, meeting him was the gateway drug to me knowing that I needed to adopt a tiny chihuahua of my own one day that would love me as deeply as most all small chihuahua’s love their owners. Thinking about, Jenna Marble’s might also be someone I’m pointing fingers at as to why I needed this to happen too, lol.

Me holding Phoenix and Mellow between my legs.

But after losing my first pup, Mellow back in 2022, I really had to heal from the pain of losing her. To also realizing what I actually had used adopting a dog as when I was 17 years old, and that was, a manipulation tactic. I had been so devastated by the awfully toxic relationship of my mother, that I moved out to live with a girlfriend at 17 years old, and because the relationship wasn’t progressing as quickly as I wanted, I thought us adopting a dog together would “seal the deal” of the relationship and ensure that I wasn’t going to get hurt or cheated on or left..? :exhales embarrassment: Well, guess what, it didn’t do that. It actually probably put more strain on the relationship. It gave me a responsibility I probably didn’t need at such a young age so that I could actually take time to myself to learn who I was, but that was too terrifying, so let me adopt a dog! 🤦‍♂️ We did it, then maybe 1.5 years later I was cheated on by that partner, and left with Mellow in tow.

Two years later, got into another relationship, then 6 months later adopted a kitten name Phoenix. Who again, I loved dearly, but didn’t need to strain a relationship with that responsibility, but we did. The relationship dissolved in another betrayal and didn’t generate the protective barrier I thought that it would, and I kept him too.

Mellow and Phoenix saw so many versions of me, but up until now, only Phoenix got to see the version of me that I’m the most proud of. The one that took initiative to save themselves. The one to put the defense back in my hands. The one who started looking in the mirror to figure out who I really wanted to be instead of who my reactions made me be. I miss both of those animals every single day, and probably will until I die, but THIS GUY.. Mr. Teddy-Bo-Betty, he’s getting the most full version of me that I’ve ever had access too. The version of me that I took time to mold after shedding off the steel external defenses of codependency. (Don’t get me wrong, I still have to strip those off daily, it’s not a '“one and done thing” here.) I’m just so fucking grateful that I’ve made it to the most aligned version of me to share with Teddy. Because now I’m sharing from a cup that’s already full and overspilling with love. I have deep, baby-talking love that I feel no shame sharing in front of whomever wants to see it. I have so much compassion for accidents and hard-to-change habits. I have the patience to respond instead of react. I’ve seen that proof hundreds of times now after 3.5 years of this work.

Teddy is in a different position because he gets to meet me as a whole person, which means I can meet him where he’s at fully, without any emotional attachment to how he reacts, which was not always the case before. He’s still a very nervous and fearful dog, but in just 2.5 days together, I can see him starting to decompress and show his big beautiful colors, not only to me, but he’s also learning he can do that safely in front of others as well. We have so many shared lessons already! We still have a lot of work to do, but I’ve never been so excited to be able to care for something like this! It’s because I know that I don’t have to change one thing about either of us to be in perfect harmony.

I’ve finally found my soul dog, because I finally found my soul in these last few years. I’m not doing it perfectly, rigidly consistently, and I have slip ups, but I know damn well how to get back up and start again. I’ll do it over and over again, all my life, we all do. I know what I’ve done to manifest this adorable little light in my life, but ooooo baby, I’m about to not only make his light shine at its brightest, but by doing that for him, I’m learning how to do that for me too. I can’t wait to see all the journey’s we’re going to share together!